The Bubble: TRULY Acting Through Your Own Intentions (Collab. w/ Bourne Perfection)

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So my buddy Bourne and I came to a realization just now. I've been talking with him about my two major sticking points recently:

1. "Why do I get nervous and feel pressured to approach ALL THE TIME, even when I'm not going out with the intention of approaching?"

2. "I can't seem to find the fine line between not caring about the outcome and escalating."

He told me that I should stop worrying about "approaching." I first had a little trouble grasping this concept because I thought to myself, "but I have to approach in order to get better with girls." However, after some time I ultimately realized that Bourne didn't mean, "You shouldn't approach girls anymore." He meant that I shouldn't think about talking to girls as "getting an approach under your belt to get better at talking to women." I should think about talking to a girl as something I WANT TO DO because she's so damn cute I just couldn't help myself. If I enjoy the interaction I'm having with her, I'll keep it going, and if I find that I'll probably enjoy hanging out with her in the future, I'll get her number.

Same thing goes for escalation. You all keep getting told "not to care about the outcome," but at the same time you keep getting told to "run the train on her and CLOSE." For the longest time, I had trouble trying to grasp these two contradicting beliefs while interacting with women. This only lead to me thinking about things too much and "being inside my head," so to speak. After talking with Bourne later about this, he told me to "stop thinking," and things clicked once again for me. When you're interacting with women, forget thinking "I need to start escalating or else I'll ruin my chances." Instead escalate because it's something YOU WANT TO DO. She looks so hot, that you can't help but escalate. Just act through your own intentions and enjoy the moment you're having with her, and "closing" will come naturally. If you want to pull her in closer to you, do it. If you want to kiss her, do it. If you want to put your hands down her pants and make her moan with pleasure, do it. It's all about what YOU WANT TO DO, not what she's thinking, or what your fellow RSD community told you to do in order to get success.

Now I realize some people may respond, "But Dan, I want to stick my hands down her pants right when I meet her in public because she's so hot! If I'm acting through my own intentions, this is what I should do right?" Well let me ask you this. Is that what you REALLY want to do when you first meet her? Like really, truly, honestly? I can only speak for myself, but I know that this is not what I want to do when first talking to a girl. This is not because I'm worried that I'll get blown out or that she'll call the cops on me (okay maybe I'd get a little worried about that...), but I'm simply not attracted to her ENOUGH TO WANT TO DO THAT. If the girl is not feeling enough comfort with me to the point where she'll allow me to touch her down there, I'd feel like I'm pulling a stunt rather than acting through my own intentions. But if she shows me that she wants it and that she's comfortable with it, I then get turned on enough to WANT to do it. Obviously I have to give things a "push" so to speak every once in a while, but if I find that I'm escalating and she's clearly not comfortable with it, I don't keep going because I actually get turned off.

If you don't understand what I'm saying, here's Bourne's take on it:

The Bubble:

You approach a girl. Why do you want to approach this girl in the first place? Because she’s hot? Cute? She has a chance to be interesting, as a person, in bed? You don’t go talk to that girl because you are supposed to. It is but an ego boost to try and count every single time you open a girl. There is no pleasure to come from the mere fact that you have approached a number or women. You approach her because, on the inside, you want to be talking to her. You want to take “Her” entity, and intertwine it with your own entity. One entity. “Me and Her.” It is who you are. You are a male, and you want this female entity alongside your own. As Jeffy so elegantly put it, “I’m congruent to it because I have a penis.”

99% of all of us are simply not going to be comfortable walking up to a girl, however hot, and putting our hands down our pants in order to meet her. It’s not who we are. We know it’s not our intentions. Even if we don’t think about it, we like to have some level of comfort with the girl. It’s the entire idea of “Me and Her” all over again.

When you first see a girl, in a club, on the street, in a bookstore, in your neighbor’s window, or so on, there are two entities involved. There is “her”, who is being observed, and “me,” who is noticing her. When you walk up to her, before anything else happens, there are still these two separate entities. Some girl’s are more comfortable (and some of us are more comfortable) with stretching the limits while still having these separate entities. There are any number of success stories of bootcamps (I think you can look at just about any of Alexander~’s), and you will read about a man who opens with a makeout. Some of us may be comfortable with that, some of us aren’t. Some girls are comfortable with that, some aren’t.

There is something, some point, once you approach, where these two separate entities become one. “Me and Her.” Together. I refer you to the idea of “the bubble.” You may start to realize this bubble comes faster as you progress. The point where there are the two of you, and then there is everyone else in existence outside of your bubble. The people she came into the club with are now irrelevant. Her friends may even recognize this bubble state, and leave you be. Others may be jealous and try their best to pop your bubble.

Comfort, Rapport, Attraction, are all there when you are in a bubble.

I used a line from The Jeffy Show, and I remember using it once, fully meaning every word of it. I stopped a girl dead in her tracks. “Hey. You’re sexy as Fuck. I have to meet you.” In retrospect, the bubble formed so quickly, her friends literally had to pick her up and carry her away. Her mouth in the biggest smile she’s probably ever given anyone in a month. I had, quite literally, made her night. That was it. Me and her.

Most of us move through some sort of process, and this bubble is just a part of the process, whether or not we recognize it. Open, words, escalate, whatever. We take the two entities, and we make them into one. The bubble forms. Then we keep going, together. Every opener, no matter what, has some element of risk of rejection. They just don’t want it. And Alexander~’s makeout as an opener can very powerfully create a bubble, quickly.

You don’t let the bubble pop. You pop the bubble and you’re fucked. Acting incongruently, going into your head, these can pop the bubble. Almost like she will come out of a trance. Her friends can pull her away, or you can go to the bathroom, and the bubble dissolves. You can fail to pull, and call her even the next day, and the bubble has popped. Once again it is no longer “Me and Her.” She sees it as “Her” and then “You” are another entity once again. It’s a bubble, and bubbles are only so stable.

99% of us, and girls, want a bubble. Once you are in the bubble, anything can happen. This is where physical escalation can explode. No girl goes to a club thinking she’ll end up being fingered on the dance floor. In the bubble, crazy shit can happen. Jeffy almost got raped in a club on a bootcamp while the girl was so entranced by the bubble he’d created. The other 1% of us know that we cannot, however comfortable we are, open up a girl by sticking out hands down her pants, because even if we don’t need a bubble, she will. A makeout is easy when you are in the bubble. You pull a girl into the bathroom when you are in the bubble. On a day 2, your goal is to reform this bubble. You take a girl home, when you are in the bubble.

So, to sum it all up:

Do what you want to do. Truly act through your own intentions no matter what that may be.

Thanks to Bourne (for collaborating with me on this) and Manwhore (your most recent LR also helped me to come to this epiphany).

Wishing all the best,


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