I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to figure out “the secret” of the game…

From Real Social Dynamics Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

I’m sitting here typing this with the gooey gel of Crest Whitestrips stuck to the edge of my gums. I can feel the bitter taste percolate to the roof of my mouth… like peanut butter but far less edible.

The last few days have been interesting.

Kind of a snowball effect.

I’m a big believer in momentum when it comes to this self-actualization stuff. I think it’s the key. On a day when I finish my work, I feel driven to hit up the gym too. Then I’m gonna go get a tan like a massive poser guido, and grab a protein shake. Then I’m gonna stick in my Crest Whitestrips and tickle my mouth with peroxide while I do my best to offer value to you fine fellows. Then I’m gonna go meditate, then I’m gonna go out and socialize or find a lady friend to spend time with.

On a day where I don’t finish my work, I might decide to “take a break” and play some Halo 3 on my Xbox 360. Some 11 year-old on the other end of the microphone may convince me that there is no hope for the future of our species. Then I’m gonna go open a tub of ice cream and eat begrudgingly until the tub is done or the game is over. Then I’m gonna go look at some porn, jack off, and go to bed.

You see how it works? Pretty funny… but in some form or another it’s probably similar for most of you.

Anyways. Just wanted to make that point. So I achieved a more lasting momentum by beginning my week-long positivity challenge (that I posted up about last Monday). As Borat would say, great success, I win me! But in the process I uncovered a lot about this whole game than I thought I would. Let me share…

So first I made sure I didn’t allow ANY negativity in ANY of my interactions. It was hard and required a lot of mindfulness. Sometimes I’d just realize I’m having a negative conversation and say “sorry, but you’re gonna make me fail my positivity challenge” and walk away from the person. Shit like that amuses me, and also accomplishes the goal. Which is surrounding yourself with positive (aka worthwhile) people.

All the while I found myself having to force smiles and laughter. I wondered why that was. At first I attributed it to my shitty sense of humour. That’s probably the actual reason. But I realized it’s because, deep down, I hate myself. I don’t respect myself. It’s just covered up by all these behaviours carefully designed by my ego to convince me I’m worthy of others. But never bothering to look in… because if I did, I would see the ego and its lying eyes.

So here’s the secret of the game.

You just have to like yourself.

That’s it. Just like yourself more than you hate yourself. And then embrace the parts of you that you hate, and they will dissolve as if they never existed.

This was lingering on the tip of my tongue until I read Jedi’s recent response to Flannery’s LR, which spelled it out for me: “You finally rate yourself, and chicks see this at the core. They see straight through your looks and see the belief at the core. This is the secret to game.”

This truly is the fucking secret. The best kept secret.

Just genuinely like yourself, and everything follows.

The second I realized this, I immediately put it into effect.

All of my success over the past couple days has stemmed directly from this single effort. To just like myself.

When you like yourself, you are implicitly shining the light on all the things you don’t like. They become loveable quirks. Expendable. They disappear, and all that is left is that which you truly value.

Feeling good inside your body comes from this.

Right action and self-respect comes from this.

State comes from this.

On some level I realized I was just giving away my power all along. My entire life I’ve been doing it. As Tyler put it in the BP, “subtly giving your power away in ways no one ever really even wanted you to.” I was doing this all along and it was incredibly subtle. I would always give up the dominant position to the other person. Within the first glance, and if not, the first words, and if not, the first minute. The only exceptions were the people my mind told me I “could dominate.” Obviously a very ego based mindset.

Now I’m not saying you should TRY to dominate people. But I’ve found that when you don’t give your power away by being chodey, or doing things you subconsciously know will get you blown out, or assuming the other person has the dominant reality, then you will automatically dominate them. Ultimately you want to come to a point where you’re equal to everyone, and that’s the way you see things, but in the mean time, when you TRUST YOURSELF, and go with what you know is right, people will naturally give up THEIR reality to YOU.

Like, I’m an actor, and I applied this concept to my scenes today. I felt I did horribly, and thought back on all my mediocre performances and tried to figure out what separated them from the phenomenal, nimbus-tastic performances. It was this: in my mediocre performances, I was pinging for reactions from the audience to validate that I was acting well, and I was pinging from my fellow actors for the way they reacted to me to see how freely I could make the scene my own. In my nimbownage scenes, I always trusted in myself, expressed myself creatively in the way I thought was best for the scene with no second thoughts to how it would be received, and instead of pinging, just felt vibes as best I could. This is also the key in game – to prevent yourself from becoming a sheltered, strong-headed hermit, simply FEEL THE VIBE around you instead of MENTALLY PINGING.

Now, here comes the good shit.

Oh baby.

Okay, you know how you try to take on a new social identity and it kind of flounders and you slip in and out of it and you beat yourself up for not being consistent?

Well… I’m trying to think of a way to express this in words. It’s really difficult to even remotely convey what I mean.

All I can say is that I can suddenly really relate to Android in his “I see infinite and it scares me” thread.

It’s like, when you connect to reality itself, you realize THERE ARE NO LIMITATIONS.

You can do ANYTHING.

I don’t wanna get into another Neo in the Matrix rant so let’s just apply this socially speaking.

Basically, I’ve been in the moment nonstop for like two days now. About 90% of the time. It is fucking unreal.

Surreal. But at the same time, so real.

K checkit.

It’s like this.

When you realize that the moment is “the only thing that ever exists,” you’re like “nice… you can shut up now, hippy.” But thinking of it in this way totally changed my perspective: the moment is the only thing that you can ever CONTROL. When you want to be awesome, and you want to live fully, and experience everything to the greatest extent, and you want to be who you want to be… the only way you can do this is by BEING IN THE MOMENT COMPLETELY, ALL THE TIME. If you only do this socially and not by yourself, you’ll feel like a lie. You have to live in this way. That’s how you get in touch with your higher self.

Some part of me was always scared to enter the moment fully because I felt I’d lose my personality or some bullshit like that.

But the reason Ecky calls it the POWER of NOW is because when you’re always in the moment you are coming into your power. Your true power.

It’s hard to explain. You have to experience it for yourself.

A big part of this is not half assing anything. Taking everything to the hilt, living it to the fullest. If you’re doing something calm, fine, do it calmly, but do it with the utmost attention and presence. If you’re singing and dancing, don’t think twice about who might be watching. Rock the fuck out!

Something Ecky said that just clicked for me now after practicing this is that when you’re present, everything you do is QUALITY. This is just so awesome. Unraveling the toilet paper. Opening a textbook. Walking up the stairs.

Acting. Working. Fucking.

As long as you do it with total presence, YOU will notice the massive increase in quality, and so will others.

The second major benefit I’ve noticed from being present all the time is the ABSENCE OF NEEDINESS. If you’re in the moment, you’re happy or comfortable or peaceful in the moment. You don’t need anything… validation, approval, sex, certainty, anything. Before I was trying to “be non-needy” and this works sometimes but becomes pretty apparent as a state of doing and not being sooner or later.

I can’t place enough emphasis on self-trust here. Remember this all stems from liking yourself. When you like yourself, you trust yourself, and you respect yourself enough to ensure everything you do is done with quality, as a byproduct of being totally present.

But when you trust yourself… oh, holy shit. You instantly access whatever imprint you need. It’s fucking awesome. That’s the only way I can describe it to you. Everything comes out with conviction, self-assured. Not even slightly pinging or requesting approval. People do this so subtly it’s absurd. Conscious competence first. Work on it.

I can’t even tell you how much my game has improved from trusting myself completely. My words come out just the right way, I’m completely confident, I have no superfluous or approval seeking mannerisms. You are completely centered in your reality. Haha, when I used to hear “that guy is centered” I was like “yeah, so what you’re saying is that he’s a boring piece of shit.” No, totally wrong. This is the essence of masculine polarity. This is how you become naturally screening.

I mean, if you want empirical proof, I’m getting checked out by everyone, constantly. People are reacting to me, hardcore, all the time. I’m completely certain of what I say and do because I trust myself, so I tend to dominate people absolutely. When I say I’m completely certain, I mean you can be certain of being uncertain. Like if you say “I’m not sure…” you say it in a way that conveys you’re sure you’re not sure. This is a state of being, not doing. It’s about being the person you always knew you were capable of being without regard to your ego that was just making rationalizations as to why you shouldn’t.

All right, I wanted to touch on the concept of identity, because my views on it have changed lately… but this is already one long mofo of a short story. We’ll leave it at that. Maybe later.

Peace, love and soul, brothas…


Personal tools